just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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