The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
