Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
