Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
