Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
