U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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