I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
