awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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