Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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