yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
