Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
