i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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