just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
