You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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