there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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