Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
