i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
