I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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