I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
