I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
