I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
