it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
