I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
