Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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