grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
