oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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