What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
