this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
