yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
