Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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