I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
