I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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