The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sarcasm needs its own font
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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