So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im so drunk with asians
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
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Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.