you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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