Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.