I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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