Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.