do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i think my cat just said my name.