I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16