): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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