she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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