He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
