I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
