I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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