it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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