it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
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Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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