I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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