My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
