you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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