If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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