Sry I called you an 8
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The Olympian is in my bed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
