i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
