2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need a beard to bite.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
