My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
