so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
