So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
