As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
