there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
