okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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