just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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