why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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