is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
